I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm passing your future prison.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
