when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
