I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
