I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
