I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
