Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
