Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
