I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
