I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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