is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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