It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
