o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
