We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
