what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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