are you so shy because you have an std?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
