you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
