peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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