This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
