somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
