God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
