i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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