Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
