How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
