For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
