don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
