I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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