i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
