I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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