He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
