after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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