i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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