babies were throwing up all over the place
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
