just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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