dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
