Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
