so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
