I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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