1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
