Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
