okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
