Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
