I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
