Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't turn off my feet"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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