They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
