i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
