You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
