i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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