i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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