And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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