Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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