I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
