he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
