I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
