mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
