idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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