someone get that fucking seahorse.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
