Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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