I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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