Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
