Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
