Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
