I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you never un-have a 4some
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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