Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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