these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
