i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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