Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
