so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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