I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
