i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
