I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
tell me about the fingering
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