Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
