Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
