how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
