The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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