Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
