Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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