You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
