Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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