Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
